Are you “beloved”? If not now, when?

June 23rd, 2009 by Abe Kass

IT IS INTERESTING that in death, most individuals are “beloved.” The other day, attending the funeral of a friend’s father, I had the opportunity to read the gravestones of at least one hundred individuals. Resting quietly in the ground were wives, husbands, mothers, sons and daughters-and all were “beloved.” In life, as in death, no doubt some were “beloved,” but some certainly were not. Some were liked, some tolerated, and some . . . 

MY THOUGHTS: How important it is to be BELOVED IN LIFE, even more than in death. And this is the true lasting legacy we should all seek. Not just a title that conforms to social norms.

Here are some simple suggestions for being BELOVED IN LIFE:
1. Take time to listen to another. Without judgment, try to really understand what he/she is saying.
2. Express with words your appreciation, gratitude, and even love for another.
3. Prioritize giving over getting.
4. Recognize that family comes first. Peace at home is essential to meaningful success in any other endeavor (work, career, hobby, etc.).
5. Keep the “peace” by completely avoiding all expressions of anger.

You will know you are BELOVED IN LIFE when family members seek your company, ideas, and simply smile when you appear before them.

Posted in Success, Acceptance, Relationship, Anger | 1 Comment »

Is marriage is worth crying over?

June 4th, 2009 by Abe Kass

NEWS FLASH: … in the June 4, 2009 (today) edition of the National Post out of Canada, it is reported the cost of divorce to Canadian taxpayers for the social assistance that is needed for single parent families is 7-billion dollars. That’s right . . .  “7-billion dollars!” One can only imagine the cost to Americans!

So here’s the point: Divorce leads to poverty, for many divorced individuals and taxpayer. Most divorces could have been, and can be, prevented with effective premarital education and accessible professional assistance, if needed, along the way.

The problem: Most people have such a negative view of marriage they don’t think divorce can be prevented. Today I was looking for positive quotes by noted thinkers on marriage (for a new book I am writing). I was shocked that ¾ of the recorded quotes were negative—sarcasms, jokes, and outright attacks on the institution of marriage. It feels overwhelming when considering how to convince people they should stay together and improve their relationship rather than giving up, divorcing, and falling into poverty (as reported above) as well as emotional breakdown for everyone in the family and an increase in the risk of childhood delinquency. It seems like closing the barn door after the horse has already escaped—the general attitude about marriage is so negative it is useless trying to convince people otherwise.

WISDOM:  A happy committed relationship has the greatest impact on one’s quality of life—greater than anything else. And like all other worthwhile goals in life, success comes only through dedicated hard work. If you are interested in how to make your marriage work better, read my book Relationship Glue. Marriage is voluntary. And when two people positively contribute to each other the relationship is a happy and long-lasting one. We should never give-up. To quote a well known Jewish saying: Saving one life is like saving the world. Just imagine the good in saving two lives or more (include the children when you do the math) when a family is rescued from divorce and destruction. (There are rare acceptations when divorce is necessary—but details about this are far beyond the scope of the message.)

Posted in Love, Family, Health, Happiness | 4 Comments »

Ears that talk!

May 25th, 2009 by Abe Kass

INQUIRY: Upon sharing feelings with my wife, often she gets angry and explains to me why I shouldn’t feel that way. Needless to say, our conversations often end in arguments. All I want is a little understanding and all will be well—and remain that way.

Why is it so difficult for her to just listen to me! Am I asking for too much?

WISDOM: For most people, listening is more difficult than talking. Why? Because “talking,” rather than “listening,” is self-serving. When we talk, our egos take center stage. Simply, most people prefer:
• Expressing judgment over acceptance
• Explaining over understanding
• Getting attention rather than giving it
• Controlling a conversation over letting someone else direct it

Because of our love for “talking,” intimacy, knowledge, and trust between two beings is often impaired. This is a HIGH PRICE to pay for talking and not listening!

Suggestions:
1. When your partner/child/friend shares an important feeling—just listen. Talk only if/when asked to do so.

2. When you want to express an important feeling, start by saying, “I want to share a thought with you—please just listen.”

3. Organize with your partner some practice time. Take turns listening and talking. Tip: The “listener” should summarize what he/she heard. This is a conformation to the “talker” that the “listener” was attentive.

4. Purchase my RELATIONSHIP LISTENING AUDIO COURSE . With this program you can develop industrial strength listening skills.

Posted in Family, Listen | Leave a Comment »