These positive personal qualities found in successful therapists are the same characteristics of a VBP (Value-based person) and are the same ingredients that create happy lives. Mental health clients know who has it together and who does not. Moreover, so does everyone else. VBP individuals have charm, integrity, and the power to successfully influence others.

Be a “VBP”

Kindness, confidence, sincerity, truthfulness, awareness of other people’s feelings, and an optimistic disposition are some of the personal qualities of a VBP. You can acquire them with education and personal commitment to self-improvement. A VBP is always learning and always trying to add quality to his or her life and the lives of others. Every person who wants, can become a VBP. It is worth the effort, you will be liked by others, and they will help you succeed.

Consider Your Favorite Teacher?

When you were in your youth, which teacher that had the greatest positive impact on you? Can you recall what they were like? Likely you forgot the details of his or her lesson’s, but their warm and inspiring personality will remain in your heart forever.

I remember my six grade teacher Mrs. Ballou. I remember little of her formal lessons. But I do remember she introduced our class to her favorite and most unusual fruit the prickly pair. She was personable because she enjoyed us, and always had a smile on her face. She taught with gentleness and kindness. I was enriched as a person because of who she was as a person. This is why I remember her fondly. As a VBP she inspired her students to want to be like her. This was her most important lesson.

Bless Others

Let’s all try to be a VBP and contribute positively to the lives of others. Be kind even to those that insult. Be generous even to those that are not. Help even those that don’t deserve it. It is said: “He who blesses others, is blessed.” Try it—it’s true.

Feeling good about yourself is first step to relating positively with others. If you need a “feel good” boost, learn from my easy to use 8-minute a day audio program, Strong Self-esteem — like yourself now and forever. Life success requires tools. And you yourself are your most important tool. Feel good, inspire others to feel good, and live the “good life.”
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Wishing you the best,

Abe

A simple social relationship works for one simple reason; the two individuals feel comfortable with each other. And two individuals feel “comfortable” when there is agreement. As 1 + 1 = 2, so too, one agreeing individual together with another agreeing individual equals friendship.

When a person places being “right” over and above “agreement,” there is dissention, arguing, and ill feeling.

Some individuals enjoy the occasional debate or competitive discussion. But in total, this form of communication must be contained and limited or destructive relationship friction will arise. Too much debating will cause friends to part-ways, husbands and wives will fall out-of-love.

You want to have solid, healthy, and long-lasting relationships. We all do. Then put “agreement” before “truth.” (The exception to this is when you need to negotiate an important decision or someone’s wellbeing is at stake.)

Hot Tip:
When you talk to your partner, friend, or even an acquaintance, put “agreement” first. For example: Your husband tells you five bits of information and you disagree with most of what he says. Pick the one thing you agree with most . . . and talk about that. Move the conversation forward with those points you agree with. Doing so will make you popular with whomever you are speaking with.

I have a great audio program that teaches healthy communication. The few dollars it cost is perhaps the greatest investment you will ever make. This program, Relationship Listening - attract the people you like and bring them close to you is an emotional aphrodisiac ensuring successful and long-lasting relationships leading to your own sustained personal happiness.
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A woman wants to be acknowledged for her love and care of her family.

A man wants to be acknowledged for his dedication and protection of his family.

Here’s how to strengthen your committed relationship.
If you are a man:

-Notice and compliment your wife for all her efforts to make you happy and your home a great place to live.
-Honor her relationship expertise by seriously considering her point of view.

-Demonstrate your love and appreciation by spending time with her.

If you are a woman:

-Make your husband feel valued by asking his opinion (doing so does not mean you need to do what he says-you are only asking).

-When appropriate, be physically close to him. It makes him feel he is needed by you.

-Tell him you appreciate his contributions to the family. For example: financial, fixing things in the home, educating the children.

Give your partner an emotional kiss. This is valued by men and women alike. One of the best ways is by being an expert listener. Learn how from my terrific Relationship Listening Audio Program. There is nothing else like this little program in the entire world. Being an “expert listener” will give you the ability to generate love.

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Wishing you the best,

Abe

Mom: Tim its time to get up. I setout your clothes for you. They are on your chair.

Tim doesn’t like the clothes his mother has chosen. In fact, he doesn’t like her choosing them at all. He wants to wear his blue jeans and hiking boots. He meant to tell his mother about the school hike last night, but he forgot.

Tim feeling frustrated speaks: But mom, you know I like to choose my own clothes. What’s the big deal if I decide what to wear? It’s not like I’m a baby, I’m already nine-years-old. All my friends get dressed by themselves. Besides, today we are going on a hike, so I want hiking clothes!

Mom feeling defied shouts: Tim if you wanted to wear different clothing you should have told me yesterday! Now it is too late! I already put out your clothing. And you will wear what I choose.

Mom continues: You know the “rules.” If you wanted to tell me something you needed to tell me the night before. You decided to not follow the rules and now you will just have to suffer!

Tim, tears in his eyes, answers: It wasn’t on purpose . . . I just forgot.

Mom snaps back: Tim, I am not in the mood for silly excuses. You are wrong. Just admit it. Now you will get dressed and put on the clothes that I chose. And hurry up . . . the bus is coming.

Mom storms out of the room.

Tim cries.

Ten minutes later mom feels bad. She doesn’t wants to be mean. But it’s like there is a devil inside her. Her mom was mean, and she always promised herself she would be different with her own children.

My thoughts:
Most of us know what the “right thing” is. Mom realized she was mean and she regretted it. But knowing what to do is not the same as doing-it.

Why? The thinking-mind and the emotional-mind are two different worlds.

Mom’s “thinking-mind” wanted her to be kind. But her “emotional-mind” pushed for meanness to have the control she sought.

Solution

We can all “educate” our emotional-mind. Here’s two ways:

Will power. Write on a paper a detailed description of the new behavior you seek. Monitoring yourself throughout the day imposing upon yourself the “new” tandard of behavior. At the end of each day formally evaluate your failures nd successes. Continue until the degree of success sought has been achieved.

Success-picture. Create in your mind a picture of what the success you seek looks like. Conjure-up this success-picture with great detail. Consider in a variety of situations what it would look like (to you and others), what it would sound like, what it would feel like. Then, several times a day, close your eyes and think about your “success-picture” in detail. Continue until the degree of success sought has been achieved.

Wisdom Scientific success library
We have created a library of self-improvement audio programs. Each one uses he power of your will and the power of your mind to give you the success you seek.
Check them all out at WisdomScientific.com.

Be your best. Live a healthy and happy life,

Abe

“Abe,
Thank you so much for your help with my shortcoming. I read your email today about “acceptance.” My wife and I have been separated for 4 months because of both our anger issues. Tonight she is away seeing an “X” and his family for Christmas. I guess my question is this. Is acceptance stronger than ignorance?”

Bob

(some minor changes to this letter have been made for clarity and privacy)

What I understand:

It seems Bob is saying his wife is “ignorant.” He is asking if his “acceptance” should include not challenging her “ignorance”, referring to her spending time with a former boyfriend (an X). He also reveals that he and his wife have been separated for four months because of “anger issues.”

My reply:

Dear Bob,

From the little I know of your situation my thinking goes like this:
Within a marriage, it is advisable to “accept” the small things. As the saying goes, “don’t sweat the small stuff.” However, larger issues must be dealt with tactfully, sensitively, and kindly. If your wife seeks to reconcile with you, certainly being involved with an “X” would be counterproductive. However, if she considers her relationship with you “over,” then dating another person (in this case “an X”) would be reasonable.

You give an important clue as to why you two broke-up. You say you have been separated because of “anger issues”?and I am certain you are on spot with that one. Anger is the number one cause of relationship failure. And
the number one reason for anger is blaming someone else for its expression.

Likely, if you and your wife were to promise not to get angry, and you both succeeded, you could put your relationship back together. Learn to talk calmly about your “big” problems, but “don’t sweat the small stuff” - surefire ingredients for relationship success.

I work with clients of all ages. I have one client that is eight-years-old and having behavior problems at school. I gave him my Anger Control audio program as a simple gesture, not thinking he could do much with it because
of his young age. Surprise! His parents told me both his teachers are reporting he is staying calm and avoiding anger. In discussion, to my amazement . . . and satisfaction . . . he understood the CD almost perfectly.

If an eight-year-old can learn to control himself, so can anyone else with an anger problem. Does this apply to you? If so give it a try . . . it may be a real lifesaver.
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1. Love of self and others. This position creates inner peace and peace with the outside world. Happiness can only reside when peaces reigns supreme.

2. Anger is transmuted to acceptance. Disappointment in health, relationships, and money can lead to anger. It can also lead to “acceptance.” Acceptance is the fertile ground for happiness to grow.

3. Live harmonious with universal principles. Reality is a spectrum. Some levels are visible and some are not. However, like radiation, even those dimensions that are invisible still have a strong impact. We naturally comply with reality we can see—visible realties. For example the reality of excessive heat stops us from sticking our hand in fire. So too, invisible realities like “not to steal” impacts as well. For example, if someone steals—regardless of whether he or she gets caught—there is a spiritual injury weakening the individual. “Not
to steal” is a natural spiritual law, just like not putting your hand in fire. Only the physically and spiritually strong can be fully happy.

I heard from several of you last week how much you are enjoying the {Moment of Wisdom}. I thank you for your positive thoughts. When you encourage a friend to subscribe to the {Moment of Wisdom} we then become partners. Working together, more people will benefit from this “good deed.”

With the New Year approaching, consider offering a subscription to the {Moment of Wisdom} to your family and friends listed in your email address book. What a great idea for a New Year’s resolution: helping those you love and care about, live healthy and happy lives.

Get started now. With my “Enter Happiness — discover how to create happy feelings” program.
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1. How we interact with the world. The three most important things in life are family, money, and health. None of these three blessings come without effort. “Family” is built with harmonious relationships with others. “Money” comes from earning and conserving. A failure in either will lead to poverty. “Health” can be enhanced or ruined by how we treat our body.

2. How we interpret what happens to us. Things happen. This is life. Sometimes they are anticipated and sometimes they come as a total surprise. How you interpret what happens creates “your story.” Give “it” a positive spin, and it will feel good. The opposite is also true.

Excluding major tragedy, we make or break our happiness. Isn’t it fortunate that we have so much control over our lives?

From times of old until today; soul searchers, mystics, and the spiritual have sought perpetual happiness. Those that have succeeded have mastered the above. In my next edition of Moment of Wisdom, I will tell you a bit about how to do it.

Until then, be well and love those close to you. No one is perfect. But he or she needs your love, and so too, you need theirs.

Get started now. With my “Enter Happiness — discover how to create happy feelings” program you will see how happiness can be yours. To truly be happy, you must choose so.
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Wishing you and your family the best,
Abe

Do you know how many relationships are messed-up because of “assumptions?” any assumptions lead to divorce. Children without two parents. Poverty. Depression. Anxiety. And even violence.

Example #1: Sharon and her husband Peter have just married. Sharon is lonely. Her husband Peter spends the evening on the computer. She calls him names and tells him she wants nothing to do with him. Peter thinks Sharon hates him, and stays away. Sharon becomes even lonelier.

Can you figure out the assumption?

Answer: Peter assumes his wife “hates” him. Actually she loves him and that why she is upset. She wants to spend time with him.

After many years of this relationship dynamic, image what the results might be? (Truly hating each other, divorced?)

———

Example #2: Seventeen-year-old Mike misses his dad. His parents divorced two years ago. Mike is angry at his mother whom he lives with. He blames her for his father leaving. He curses her and breaks things. Mike is also angry at his father for not giving him the attention he used to get in the past. Mikes parent’s discussed his anger and conclude he needs to be punished. Each takes a turn reading the “riot act.” They take away his bike, ground him, and stop giving him allowance. Mike says he hates them. Mike’s parents describe him as vengeful and out-of-control.

Can you figure out the assumption?

Answer: The parents assume Mike is out-of-control, rejecting and uncooperative. Actually, he loves his parents and family very much and he is devastated by its destruction. He wants more of his dad and he wants his mother to explain why she wanted a divorce. Sadly, no one talks to him so he has no way to constructively channel his fears, legitimate anger, and feelings of being abandoned.

If Mike’s normal feelings are not acknowledged, imagine in a few years where he may end up. (As a criminal, on drugs, running away from home, kicked-out of his house?)

Do you think you know what’s happening between you and another. Think again. Maybe it is based on a false “assumption.”

Don’t let the “assumption” disease ruin your life!By learning how to communicate effectively you can avoid assumptions. Surprisingly,but true — “listening” is not only harder than “talking”. . . but it is also much more important! I have a program to help you: Relationship Listening — attract the people you like and bring them close to you. Listen effectively and understand those around you.
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Regards to you and your family,
Abe

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Out-of-control anger
• Relationship breakdown
• Self-destructive behavior
• and low self-esteem

It is obvious to me why must people suffer. I am including myself. When I am not happy, I know what I am doing to myself that is making me feel the way I do.

Many people find the means to turn around their misery and replace it with peace and happiness. But some don’t. Here’s why . . .

FREE WILL is the most powerful human character trait. I have learned to humble myself to this fact of life. If an individual is set on walking off a cliff—he or she can’t be stopped. Not by a family therapist, not by a police officer, not by a good samaritan, not by a loving family member. NOTHING CAN OVERPOWER FREE WILL. This is life. Accept it.

For me this is often a difficult “pill” to swallow—but I must. Otherwise I would be dragged down by the folly of others. We all must learn when to let go, and then do so.

“Walking off a cliff” could be:

• Substance abuse
• Infidelity
• Destructive sexual behaviors
• Raging at others
• Dishonesty
• Violent behavior
• Excessive self-love that blinds to the feelings of others
• and more

Even though I am a paid professional that has dedicated my life to assisting others upgrade theirs, we are all the same. Each of us has a responsibility to help those we know live a more happy and healthy life.

Make the effort. Let’s contribute to another’s wellbeing. If he or she is helped, celebrate. If not, so be it. You tried and did your best. Regardless of the outcome, you are a better person for your efforts. And this is important to remember!

Some people don’t feel capable of guiding others. Actually we all have what it takes to be a leader and give “good” to others. If you don’t feel your own strength, I have a lesson to help you: Strong Self-esteem — like yourself now and forever. Live with your personal-power.
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Regards to you and your family,
Abe

Examples:

• Health to illness
• Illness to health
• Wealth to poverty
• Poverty to wealth
• Strength to weakness
• Weakness to strength
• Hope to fear
• Fear to hope

Be a winner. Recognize how life is, and fittingly adjust your expectations. Doing so allows you to minimize, eliminate, or even benefit from the very thing not wanted.

Margaret had strong signs she had cancer. She was a nervous wreck for three months taking test after test, until finally the doctor proclaimed her healthy. Margaret ruined three months of her life worrying needlessly.

Sheila and Mark had been fighting for years. Avoiding each other they fell into some serous vice. Sheila realized that her only hope for love was with her husband Mark. They went for marriage counseling and renewed their marriage, reclaiming the passion they once had.

Tom lost his job. He and his wife fought about money. Eventually they divorced. One month later Tom got a new and better job. Had he and his wife pulled together they could have used the time to strengthen their relationship. Instead they destroyed their family of four.

Collins was a mega businessman and mega billionaire. He had everything he wanted. One winter he slipped on a piece of ice. He broke his leg. Two years later he was still in a wheelchair. He became severely depressed.

Phyllis was in a serous car accident. She walked with a limp. She married another patient she met at a physiotherapy clinic. She has never been so happy in all her life.

Can you pick out the winners in the above stories?

We cannot choose what happens to us. But we do have the power to choose our response. Certainly, when in the midst of a crisis, realizing this is difficult, and no one can judge us other than ourselves. But the fact is, many have benefited by a crisis.

I pray all goes well for you . . . always. But if it is not to be, do your best to respond with intelligence, dignity, and a mind seeking a silver-lining.
One thing is predictable about “life,” it has ups-and-downs. Winners accept this reality.

Need a boost to your “life adjustments?” Try my easy to use audio program. Thousands have already benefited from it. Boost your immunity to life’s challenges. Optimism — the art of positive thinking.

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