Marriage Advice for Men: How to Make a Good Wife
Mark and Pam had only been married for two months and they already needed marriage help. And if they didn’t get the right marriage advice quickly, likely they would end up hating each other and probably divorced. Here is why:
True to life vignette of two newlyweds
Mark told Pam he wanted his college buddies to join him for a birthday celebration. Pam, wanting to please him eagerly agreed. She took the better part of a day preparing sandwiches, cakes and other snacks. The day came. Mark and his friends had a great time. Mark failed to thank Pam for her efforts. She felt used.
Mark told Pam that she spent too much time on the phone. Pam decided Mark needed more attention, so when he came home in the evening she quickly got off the phone. She felt disrespected.
Mark had opinions on almost every subject. He even taught Pam how to “correctly” cut tomatoes. She felt Mark was treating her as if she was a child.
Pam wanted to make Mark “happy,” so she soldiered on, but it was not easy.
Slowly, Pam’s “marital bliss” slipped away. She ate to comfort her upset feelings. Angrily, Mark told her to go on a diet! She felt unattractive in his eyes.
Pam resented Mark’s selfish demands. She was hurt that he did not seem to care about her feelings. Slowly she lost interest in pleasing him. Instead, she became cold and argumentative.
Mark was in his own world and had no idea what happened. He felt disillusioned and confused. His attraction for Pam was decreasing rapidly.
Good marriage advice:
When Pam and Mark showed up in my office seeking help, I explained the following to Mark. It didn’t take long for Mark and Pam to improve their marriage for the better. With a little marriage help at just the right time, they became the two loving turtledoves they once were.
A woman’s nature is to nurture
An emotionally healthy woman naturally wants to please her husband. However, this “feminine instinct” reveals itself only when she feels “loved and cared for.”
A man makes a good wife
When a man criticizes his wife, disrespects her, gets angry, she stops nourishing. In place of caring and helping, she opposes — typically with words and withdrawal of affection.
Practical marriage advice for men:
1. Show gratitude. Thank you wife frequently for all she does.
2. Seek her out. Call her on the phone, ask her how she feels, ask if she needs anything.
3. When she is upset, take time and listen to her. If she is upset with you, be strong and listen. Try to understand without commentary. Ask questions.
4. Never get angry and always be kind.
5. Make her feel in all your interactions with her that she is your TOP priority.
If you are a woman, pass this advice on to your husband or boyfriend. If you are a man—memorize it. This piece of marriage advice can save your marriage and protect your family.
Is marriage is worth crying over?
NEWS FLASH: … in the June 4, 2009 (today) edition of the National Post out of Canada, it is reported the cost of divorce to Canadian taxpayers for the social assistance that is needed for single parent families is 7-billion dollars. That’s right . . . “7-billion dollars!” One can only imagine the cost to Americans!
So here’s the point: Divorce leads to poverty, for many divorced individuals and taxpayer. Most divorces could have been, and can be, prevented with effective premarital education and accessible professional assistance, if needed, along the way.
The problem: Most people have such a negative view of marriage they don’t think divorce can be prevented. Today I was looking for positive quotes by noted thinkers on marriage (for a new book I am writing). I was shocked that ¾ of the recorded quotes were negative—sarcasms, jokes, and outright attacks on the institution of marriage. It feels overwhelming when considering how to convince people they should stay together and improve their relationship rather than giving up, divorcing, and falling into poverty (as reported above) as well as emotional breakdown for everyone in the family and an increase in the risk of childhood delinquency. It seems like closing the barn door after the horse has already escaped—the general attitude about marriage is so negative it is useless trying to convince people otherwise.
WISDOM: A happy committed relationship has the greatest impact on one’s quality of life—greater than anything else. And like all other worthwhile goals in life, success comes only through dedicated hard work. If you are interested in how to make your marriage work better, read my book Relationship Glue. Marriage is voluntary. And when two people positively contribute to each other the relationship is a happy and long-lasting one. We should never give-up. To quote a well known Jewish saying: Saving one life is like saving the world. Just imagine the good in saving two lives or more (include the children when you do the math) when a family is rescued from divorce and destruction. (There are rare acceptations when divorce is necessary—but details about this are far beyond the scope of the message.)
Are you a mystic?
From times of old until today; soul searchers, mystics, and the spiritual have sought perpetual happiness. Those that have succeeded have mastered the following.
1. Love of self and others. This position creates inner peace and peace with the outside world. Happiness can only reside when peaces reigns supreme.
2. Anger is transmuted to acceptance. Disappointment in health, relationships, and money can lead to anger. It can also lead to “acceptance.” Acceptance is the fertile ground for happiness to grow.
3. Live harmonious with universal principles. Reality is a spectrum. Some levels are visible and some are not. However, like radiation, even those dimensions that are invisible still have a strong impact. We naturally comply with reality we can see—visible realties. For example the reality of excessive heat stops us from sticking our hand in fire. So too, invisible realities like “not to steal” impacts as well. For example, if someone steals—regardless of whether he or she gets caught—there is a spiritual injury weakening the individual. “Not
to steal” is a natural spiritual law, just like not putting your hand in fire. Only the physically and spiritually strong can be fully happy.
I heard from several of you last week how much you are enjoying the {Moment of Wisdom}. I thank you for your positive thoughts. When you encourage a friend to subscribe to the {Moment of Wisdom} we then become partners. Working together, more people will benefit from this “good deed.”
With the New Year approaching, consider offering a subscription to the {Moment of Wisdom} to your family and friends listed in your email address book. What a great idea for a New Year’s resolution: helping those you love and care about, live healthy and happy lives.
Get started now. With my “Enter Happiness — discover how to create happy feelings” program.
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