1. Stay positive and talk mostly about the things you like. Your partner will avoid you if you are a fountain of negativity.
2. Communication connects you with your partner. “Solving problems” should only be a small fraction of what you talk about. Communicate mostly about things of common interest. Your partner will not appreciate ongoing attempts to negotiate problems and difficulties. Make communication fun. Talk about enjoyable stuff. Don’t make talking together burdensome.
3. When you do need to “solve a problem,” it is best to agree to a time to “talk” rather than “jump” on your partner when he or she is not prepared. If you don’t follow this advice, don’t be surprised if you get a negative response!
4. When “solving problems,” take turns expressing your opinions. Avoid accusations and anger–if they do occur, stop talking and take a break.
5. Being a good listener is a great way to increase closeness and passion. As your partner talks, summarize what you hear as proof you are listening.

If you follow these simple suggestions you will be happy together. With this in mind, go and build your relationship success.

It is not uncommon to hear this complaint; sometimes from husbands and sometimes from wives. Regardless, having to bear your partner telling you that, “You don’t know how to talk,” can be very upsetting and discouraging.

My suggestions: Give him the following to read . . .

When two people talk, most of the time (I would guess about 98% of the time) the primary goal is to create “pleasant moments.” Why? Because these “pleasant moments,” create feelings of endearment, closeness, trust, and love–or the opposite. (The exception is when you need to solve a problem – how to do this is for another time.)

To use an analogy: A house is not built with one, two, or ten bricks–but thousands upon thousands. So too, a relationship is built on thousands and thousands of little interactions–simple communications–that accumulate overtime. A single moment’s interaction, in and of itself, has little impact. However, add them all up over ten, twenty, or thirty years; this becomes the defining characteristic of the partnership. When you correct how your wife talks, you make her regret this moment with you with the result, she will seek to avoid you ‘the person’.

Moral of this story: Let your husband or wife talk. Let them use whatever words or ways they chose to express themselves. Your job is to understand. If you don’t, ask respectful ‘curious questions’. And then move on . . .

I have seen this tiny bit of advice–that is very easy to implement–quickly sweeten a sour relationship. If the above applies to you, don’t wait for another moment. Rebuild your “relationship house” with warm and comfortable words that create “pleasant moments.”

When we were kids, we dreamed of living in a “candy house.” Now is your chance.

Wishing you and your family the best,

Abe

LET’S TALK

Catch me when I am available (EST.) and we can have a brief consultation. Only $3 minute Canadian funds. 5 minutes minimum. Pay with Master Card, Visa, or American Express. 905. 771. 1087.

Can looking in a mirror be a sign of mental illness? Yes; if you are looking for the wrong reasons. Cleanliness, neatness, and being fashionable are fine. But excessive mirror gazing, introspection, second guessing and the like, are likely signs of loneliness. If left untreated, “loneliness” can go on to depression and anxiety.

Prognosis—what happens with treatment and what happens without treatment:

Treated: When treated, loneliness can easily be eliminated. For many people managing close relationships is easy. For others it takes effort and learning how. When a “lonely” individual does so, he or she can quickly find interesting people to “hang” with. If the loneliness is with one’s spouse, renewing the relationship and creating new opportunities for closeness and intimacy should be the plan. It is natural for humans to live in clans and since every person has these instincts, it is relatively easy to achieve.

Untreated: When “loneliness” is allowed to fester and spread, it can overwhelm all the other natural emotions (happiness, determination, self-preservation, etc.) and take over a person’s entire life. Eventually, loneliness can lead to serious depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. If loneliness is not eliminated, it can hold a person back from many important opportunities.

Lonely? I have a solution. My relationship enhancing audio program, Relationship Listening – Attract the People You Like and Bring Them Close to You. Learn for only 8-minutes-a-day for three weeks and you can gain a very powerful relationship enhancing skill—the power to be a great listener. In just a few hours of effort you can learn how to be popular and with your partner, his or her positive and romantic feelings towards you will dramatically increase. It really works. Thousands have already used this powerful relationship tonic. Give it a try. It’s only 29.95. Click for more information.

The end result: Two parents that are at odds with each other with the children being deprived of the good judgment and healthy limits that only two parents working together can provide.

If this describes your situation, try this: For the next two months, make every significant decision a joint decision between you and your partner. When your son or daughter comes to you for a “decision” say: “Before I can respond to your request, I need to speak to your mother/father and I will shortly get back to you.” When you go back to your son or daughter with an answer say it in the name of the parent-team. “We decided . . . ” Don’t disclose who took which position (doing so will allow your children to criticize the parent they disagree with).

Eventually, you and your child’s other parent will learn to work together as a team and your son or daughter will no longer seek to conquer you. Eventually, you will know when to consult with your partner and when you can make decisions on your own and the “two month” rule can then be relaxed.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons “social networking sites” are currently so popular – it’s an easy way to connect with others. The downside is that these connections are superficial and lack genuine intimacy.

Here is a sure way to connect to new or old individuals in your life. I call it the One Two Three – Be Close to Me technique. Here are the 3 steps:

1. Ask a question that cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no.”
2. Summarize the answer you hear. Don’t change anything even if you don’t like what the speaker says.
3. Repeat step #1 and #2 for a few minutes.

Doing the “One Two Three – Be Close to Me” technique makes the person answering your questions feel close to you. And if he or she returns the favor – this will come pretty close to heaven on earth. Being KNOWN is a very satisfying intimacy.

Regards,
Abe
www.WisdomScientific.com

Why is it so difficult for her to just listen to me! Am I asking for too much?

WISDOM: For most people, listening is more difficult than talking. Why? Because “talking,” rather than “listening,” is self-serving. When we talk, our egos take center stage. Simply, most people prefer:
• Expressing judgment over acceptance
• Explaining over understanding
• Getting attention rather than giving it
• Controlling a conversation over letting someone else direct it

Because of our love for “talking,” intimacy, knowledge, and trust between two beings is often impaired. This is a HIGH PRICE to pay for talking and not listening!

Suggestions:
1. When your partner/child/friend shares an important feeling—just listen. Talk only if/when asked to do so.

2. When you want to express an important feeling, start by saying, “I want to share a thought with you—please just listen.”

3. Organize with your partner some practice time. Take turns listening and talking. Tip: The “listener” should summarize what he/she heard. This is a conformation to the “talker” that the “listener” was attentive.

4. Purchase my RELATIONSHIP LISTENING AUDIO COURSE . With this program you can develop industrial strength listening skills.

A simple social relationship works for one simple reason; the two individuals feel comfortable with each other. And two individuals feel “comfortable” when there is agreement. As 1 + 1 = 2, so too, one agreeing individual together with another agreeing individual equals friendship.

When a person places being “right” over and above “agreement,” there is dissention, arguing, and ill feeling.

Some individuals enjoy the occasional debate or competitive discussion. But in total, this form of communication must be contained and limited or destructive relationship friction will arise. Too much debating will cause friends to part-ways, husbands and wives will fall out-of-love.

You want to have solid, healthy, and long-lasting relationships. We all do. Then put “agreement” before “truth.” (The exception to this is when you need to negotiate an important decision or someone’s wellbeing is at stake.)

Hot Tip:
When you talk to your partner, friend, or even an acquaintance, put “agreement” first. For example: Your husband tells you five bits of information and you disagree with most of what he says. Pick the one thing you agree with most . . . and talk about that. Move the conversation forward with those points you agree with. Doing so will make you popular with whomever you are speaking with.

I have a great audio program that teaches healthy communication. The few dollars it cost is perhaps the greatest investment you will ever make. This program, Relationship Listening – attract the people you like and bring them close to you is an emotional aphrodisiac ensuring successful and long-lasting relationships leading to your own sustained personal happiness.
http://www.wisdomscientific.com/proddetail.php?prod=505

Do you know how many relationships are messed-up because of “assumptions?” any assumptions lead to divorce. Children without two parents. Poverty. Depression. Anxiety. And even violence.

Example #1: Sharon and her husband Peter have just married. Sharon is lonely. Her husband Peter spends the evening on the computer. She calls him names and tells him she wants nothing to do with him. Peter thinks Sharon hates him, and stays away. Sharon becomes even lonelier.

Can you figure out the assumption?

Answer: Peter assumes his wife “hates” him. Actually she loves him and that why she is upset. She wants to spend time with him.

After many years of this relationship dynamic, image what the results might be? (Truly hating each other, divorced?)

———

Example #2: Seventeen-year-old Mike misses his dad. His parents divorced two years ago. Mike is angry at his mother whom he lives with. He blames her for his father leaving. He curses her and breaks things. Mike is also angry at his father for not giving him the attention he used to get in the past. Mikes parent’s discussed his anger and conclude he needs to be punished. Each takes a turn reading the “riot act.” They take away his bike, ground him, and stop giving him allowance. Mike says he hates them. Mike’s parents describe him as vengeful and out-of-control.

Can you figure out the assumption?

Answer: The parents assume Mike is out-of-control, rejecting and uncooperative. Actually, he loves his parents and family very much and he is devastated by its destruction. He wants more of his dad and he wants his mother to explain why she wanted a divorce. Sadly, no one talks to him so he has no way to constructively channel his fears, legitimate anger, and feelings of being abandoned.

If Mike’s normal feelings are not acknowledged, imagine in a few years where he may end up. (As a criminal, on drugs, running away from home, kicked-out of his house?)

Do you think you know what’s happening between you and another. Think again. Maybe it is based on a false “assumption.”

Don’t let the “assumption” disease ruin your life!By learning how to communicate effectively you can avoid assumptions. Surprisingly,but true — “listening” is not only harder than “talking”. . . but it is also much more important! I have a program to help you: Relationship Listening — attract the people you like and bring them close to you. Listen effectively and understand those around you.
http://wisdomscientific.com/proddetail.php?prod=620

Regards to you and your family,
Abe

Successful communication is built around one vital skill—LISTENING.

I know what you are thinking. What’s the big deal . . . everybody knows how to listen! True. But listening is more than just hearing. Listening means giving the speaker an emotional massage—and most people don’t know how to do this.

Evaluate your listening skills:

1. When you listen, do you maintain eye contact? (yes) or (no)
2. Do you avoid interrupting the speaker? (yes) or (no)
3. Do you ignore distractions (others trying to mix-in)? (yes) or (no)
4. Hold back from completing the speaker’s sentences? (yes) or (no)
5. Give undivided attention to the speaker (you don’t look at your watch, flip through papers, etc). (yes) or (no)
6. Hold back your opinion unless asked for. (yes) or (no)
7. Summarize for the speaker what you heard said as proof you were listening. (yes) or (no)
8. Ask questions to get more information about what the speaker is discussing. (yes) or (no)
9. Try to identify and acknowledge the speaker’s feelings. (yes) or (no)
10. Listen patiently. (yes) or (no)

If you do all this you are a great listener (you answered “yes” to most of the questions). If you are married, likely you are loved. With all other people you are popular. Everyone likes an “emotional massage”—and good listening is the way to do it. If you got a low score, with a little effort, when you know what to do, you can become an expert listener. It is one of the easiest relationship dynamics to fix.

I have made a terrific little audio program to help you become an expert listener. Learn in only eight minutes a day the best way to create emotional closeness between you and others. Relationship Listening — attract the people you like and bring them close to you

ww.wisdomscientific.com/proddetail.php?prod=620&cat=19