Five Easy Tips for Better Communication
Good communication creates comfortable moments together. Comfortable moments together accumulate to create relationship success, or the opposite. Here are five communication tips that will make your precious moments with your husband, wife, or partner pleasurable.
- Stay positive and talk mostly about the things you like. Your partner will avoid you if you are a fountain of negativity.
- Communication connects you with your partner. “Solving problems” should only be a small fraction of what you talk about. Communicate mostly about things of common interest. Your partner will not appreciate ongoing attempts to negotiate problems and difficulties. Make communication fun. Talk about enjoyable stuff. Don’t make talking together burdensome.
- When you do need to “solve a problem,” it is best to agree to a time to “talk” rather than “jump” on your partner when he or she is not prepared. If you don’t follow this advice, don’t be surprised if you get a negative response!
- When “solving problems,” take turns expressing your opinions. Avoid accusations and anger–if they do occur, stop talking and take a break.
- Being a good listener is a great way to increase closeness and passion. As your partner talks, summarize what you hear as proof you are listening.
If you follow these simple suggestions you will be happy together. With this in mind, go and build your relationship success.
My husband won’t let me talk
My husband often tells me that when a topic comes up, I don’t answer to the point. Or he will tell me that my sentence structure is incorrect. If that is not enough, sometimes–according to him–I even mispronounce my words. Sometimes I just can’t stand talking to him. More than once the night has ended in tears. What do you suggest Abe.
It is not uncommon to hear this complaint; sometimes from husbands and sometimes from wives. Regardless, having to bear your partner telling you that, “You don’t know how to talk,” can be very upsetting and discouraging.
My suggestions: Give him the following to read . . .
When two people talk, most of the time (I would guess about 98% of the time) the primary goal is to create “pleasant moments.” Why? Because these “pleasant moments,” create feelings of endearment, closeness, trust, and love–or the opposite. (The exception is when you need to solve a problem – how to do this is for another time.)
To use an analogy: A house is not built with one, two, or ten bricks–but thousands upon thousands. So too, a relationship is built on thousands and thousands of little interactions–simple communications–that accumulate overtime. A single moment’s interaction, in and of itself, has little impact. However, add them all up over ten, twenty, or thirty years; this becomes the defining characteristic of the partnership. When you correct how your wife talks, you make her regret this moment with you with the result, she will seek to avoid you ‘the person’.
Moral of this story: Let your husband or wife talk. Let them use whatever words or ways they chose to express themselves. Your job is to understand. If you don’t, ask respectful ‘curious questions’. And then move on . . .
I have seen this tiny bit of advice–that is very easy to implement–quickly sweeten a sour relationship. If the above applies to you, don’t wait for another moment. Rebuild your “relationship house” with warm and comfortable words that create “pleasant moments.”
When we were kids, we dreamed of living in a “candy house.” Now is your chance.
Wishing you and your family the best,
Abe
LET’S TALK
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Can mirror gazing be a sign of mental illness?
“Depression, loneliness, and boredom are all symptoms of affection deprivation,” says Dr. Allan Dye, associate professor of mental health counselling and personnel services at Purdue University. “And the first sign that someone’s heading in the wrong direction is self-preoccupation. People who dwell too much on themselves, even if they don’t think of themselves as lonely or bored, are probably not having enough good contact with others.”
Can looking in a mirror be a sign of mental illness? Yes; if you are looking for the wrong reasons. Cleanliness, neatness, and being fashionable are fine. But excessive mirror gazing, introspection, second guessing and the like, are likely signs of loneliness. If left untreated, “loneliness” can go on to depression and anxiety.
Prognosis—what happens with treatment and what happens without treatment:
Treated: When treated, loneliness can easily be eliminated. For many people managing close relationships is easy. For others it takes effort and learning how. When a “lonely” individual does so, he or she can quickly find interesting people to “hang” with. If the loneliness is with one’s spouse, renewing the relationship and creating new opportunities for closeness and intimacy should be the plan. It is natural for humans to live in clans and since every person has these instincts, it is relatively easy to achieve.
Untreated: When “loneliness” is allowed to fester and spread, it can overwhelm all the other natural emotions (happiness, determination, self-preservation, etc.) and take over a person’s entire life. Eventually, loneliness can lead to serious depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. If loneliness is not eliminated, it can hold a person back from many important opportunities.
Lonely? I have a solution. My relationship enhancing audio program, Relationship Listening – Attract the People You Like and Bring Them Close to You. Learn for only 8-minutes-a-day for three weeks and you can gain a very powerful relationship enhancing skill—the power to be a great listener. In just a few hours of effort you can learn how to be popular and with your partner, his or her positive and romantic feelings towards you will dramatically increase. It really works. Thousands have already used this powerful relationship tonic. Give it a try. It’s only 29.95. Click for more information.