Are you “beloved”? If not now, when?
IT IS INTERESTING that in death, most individuals are “beloved.” The other day, attending the funeral of a friend’s father, I had the opportunity to read the gravestones of at least one hundred individuals. Resting quietly in the ground were wives, husbands, mothers, sons and daughters-and all were “beloved.” In life, as in death, no doubt some were “beloved,” but some certainly were not. Some were liked, some tolerated, and some . . .
MY THOUGHTS: How important it is to be BELOVED IN LIFE, even more than in death. And this is the true lasting legacy we should all seek. Not just a title that conforms to social norms.
Here are some simple suggestions for being BELOVED IN LIFE:
1. Take time to listen to another. Without judgment, try to really understand what he/she is saying.
2. Express with words your appreciation, gratitude, and even love for another.
3. Prioritize giving over getting.
4. Recognize that family comes first. Peace at home is essential to meaningful success in any other endeavor (work, career, hobby, etc.).
5. Keep the “peace” by completely avoiding all expressions of anger.
You will know you are BELOVED IN LIFE when family members seek your company, ideas, and simply smile when you appear before them.
Is marriage is worth crying over?
NEWS FLASH: … in the June 4, 2009 (today) edition of the National Post out of Canada, it is reported the cost of divorce to Canadian taxpayers for the social assistance that is needed for single parent families is 7-billion dollars. That’s right . . . “7-billion dollars!” One can only imagine the cost to Americans!
So here’s the point: Divorce leads to poverty, for many divorced individuals and taxpayer. Most divorces could have been, and can be, prevented with effective premarital education and accessible professional assistance, if needed, along the way.
The problem: Most people have such a negative view of marriage they don’t think divorce can be prevented. Today I was looking for positive quotes by noted thinkers on marriage (for a new book I am writing). I was shocked that ¾ of the recorded quotes were negative—sarcasms, jokes, and outright attacks on the institution of marriage. It feels overwhelming when considering how to convince people they should stay together and improve their relationship rather than giving up, divorcing, and falling into poverty (as reported above) as well as emotional breakdown for everyone in the family and an increase in the risk of childhood delinquency. It seems like closing the barn door after the horse has already escaped—the general attitude about marriage is so negative it is useless trying to convince people otherwise.
WISDOM: A happy committed relationship has the greatest impact on one’s quality of life—greater than anything else. And like all other worthwhile goals in life, success comes only through dedicated hard work. If you are interested in how to make your marriage work better, read my book Relationship Glue. Marriage is voluntary. And when two people positively contribute to each other the relationship is a happy and long-lasting one. We should never give-up. To quote a well known Jewish saying: Saving one life is like saving the world. Just imagine the good in saving two lives or more (include the children when you do the math) when a family is rescued from divorce and destruction. (There are rare acceptations when divorce is necessary—but details about this are far beyond the scope of the message.)