Ears that talk!
INQUIRY: Upon sharing feelings with my wife, often she gets angry and explains to me why I shouldn’t feel that way. Needless to say, our conversations often end in arguments. All I want is a little understanding and all will be well—and remain that way.
Why is it so difficult for her to just listen to me! Am I asking for too much?
WISDOM: For most people, listening is more difficult than talking. Why? Because “talking,” rather than “listening,” is self-serving. When we talk, our egos take center stage. Simply, most people prefer:
• Expressing judgment over acceptance
• Explaining over understanding
• Getting attention rather than giving it
• Controlling a conversation over letting someone else direct it
Because of our love for “talking,” intimacy, knowledge, and trust between two beings is often impaired. This is a HIGH PRICE to pay for talking and not listening!
Suggestions:
1. When your partner/child/friend shares an important feeling—just listen. Talk only if/when asked to do so.
2. When you want to express an important feeling, start by saying, “I want to share a thought with you—please just listen.”
3. Organize with your partner some practice time. Take turns listening and talking. Tip: The “listener” should summarize what he/she heard. This is a conformation to the “talker” that the “listener” was attentive.
4. Purchase my RELATIONSHIP LISTENING AUDIO COURSE . With this program you can develop industrial strength listening skills.