How many minds do you have?

January 23rd, 2008 Abe Kass Posted in Success, Will power, emotional-mind, Anger |

The scene
Tim is nine-years-old. Mom sets out clothes for him to wear to school.

Mom: Tim its time to get up. I setout your clothes for you. They are on your chair.

Tim doesn’t like the clothes his mother has chosen. In fact, he doesn’t like her choosing them at all. He wants to wear his blue jeans and hiking boots. He meant to tell his mother about the school hike last night, but he forgot.

Tim feeling frustrated speaks: But mom, you know I like to choose my own clothes. What’s the big deal if I decide what to wear? It’s not like I’m a baby, I’m already nine-years-old. All my friends get dressed by themselves. Besides, today we are going on a hike, so I want hiking clothes!

Mom feeling defied shouts: Tim if you wanted to wear different clothing you should have told me yesterday! Now it is too late! I already put out your clothing. And you will wear what I choose.

Mom continues: You know the “rules.” If you wanted to tell me something you needed to tell me the night before. You decided to not follow the rules and now you will just have to suffer!

Tim, tears in his eyes, answers: It wasn’t on purpose . . . I just forgot.

Mom snaps back: Tim, I am not in the mood for silly excuses. You are wrong. Just admit it. Now you will get dressed and put on the clothes that I chose. And hurry up . . . the bus is coming.

Mom storms out of the room.

Tim cries.

Ten minutes later mom feels bad. She doesn’t wants to be mean. But it’s like there is a devil inside her. Her mom was mean, and she always promised herself she would be different with her own children.

My thoughts:
Most of us know what the “right thing” is. Mom realized she was mean and she regretted it. But knowing what to do is not the same as doing-it.

Why? The thinking-mind and the emotional-mind are two different worlds.

Mom’s “thinking-mind” wanted her to be kind. But her “emotional-mind” pushed for meanness to have the control she sought.

Solution

We can all “educate” our emotional-mind. Here’s two ways:

Will power. Write on a paper a detailed description of the new behavior you seek. Monitoring yourself throughout the day imposing upon yourself the “new” tandard of behavior. At the end of each day formally evaluate your failures nd successes. Continue until the degree of success sought has been achieved.

Success-picture. Create in your mind a picture of what the success you seek looks like. Conjure-up this success-picture with great detail. Consider in a variety of situations what it would look like (to you and others), what it would sound like, what it would feel like. Then, several times a day, close your eyes and think about your “success-picture” in detail. Continue until the degree of success sought has been achieved.

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Be your best. Live a healthy and happy life,

Abe