Relationship success is possible – when you know how!

January 31st, 2008 by Abe Kass

Men and women are different. But how do we use these “differences” to enhance the relationship? It’s easy when you know how.

A woman wants to be acknowledged for her love and care of her family.

A man wants to be acknowledged for his dedication and protection of his family.

Here’s how to strengthen your committed relationship.
If you are a man:

-Notice and compliment your wife for all her efforts to make you happy and your home a great place to live.
-Honor her relationship expertise by seriously considering her point of view.

-Demonstrate your love and appreciation by spending time with her.

If you are a woman:

-Make your husband feel valued by asking his opinion (doing so does not mean you need to do what he says-you are only asking).

-When appropriate, be physically close to him. It makes him feel he is needed by you.

-Tell him you appreciate his contributions to the family. For example: financial, fixing things in the home, educating the children.

Give your partner an emotional kiss. This is valued by men and women alike. One of the best ways is by being an expert listener. Learn how from my terrific Relationship Listening Audio Program. There is nothing else like this little program in the entire world. Being an “expert listener” will give you the ability to generate love.

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Wishing you the best,

Abe

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How many minds do you have?

January 23rd, 2008 by Abe Kass

The scene
Tim is nine-years-old. Mom sets out clothes for him to wear to school.

Mom: Tim its time to get up. I setout your clothes for you. They are on your chair.

Tim doesn’t like the clothes his mother has chosen. In fact, he doesn’t like her choosing them at all. He wants to wear his blue jeans and hiking boots. He meant to tell his mother about the school hike last night, but he forgot.

Tim feeling frustrated speaks: But mom, you know I like to choose my own clothes. What’s the big deal if I decide what to wear? It’s not like I’m a baby, I’m already nine-years-old. All my friends get dressed by themselves. Besides, today we are going on a hike, so I want hiking clothes!

Mom feeling defied shouts: Tim if you wanted to wear different clothing you should have told me yesterday! Now it is too late! I already put out your clothing. And you will wear what I choose.

Mom continues: You know the “rules.” If you wanted to tell me something you needed to tell me the night before. You decided to not follow the rules and now you will just have to suffer!

Tim, tears in his eyes, answers: It wasn’t on purpose . . . I just forgot.

Mom snaps back: Tim, I am not in the mood for silly excuses. You are wrong. Just admit it. Now you will get dressed and put on the clothes that I chose. And hurry up . . . the bus is coming.

Mom storms out of the room.

Tim cries.

Ten minutes later mom feels bad. She doesn’t wants to be mean. But it’s like there is a devil inside her. Her mom was mean, and she always promised herself she would be different with her own children.

My thoughts:
Most of us know what the “right thing” is. Mom realized she was mean and she regretted it. But knowing what to do is not the same as doing-it.

Why? The thinking-mind and the emotional-mind are two different worlds.

Mom’s “thinking-mind” wanted her to be kind. But her “emotional-mind” pushed for meanness to have the control she sought.

Solution

We can all “educate” our emotional-mind. Here’s two ways:

Will power. Write on a paper a detailed description of the new behavior you seek. Monitoring yourself throughout the day imposing upon yourself the “new” tandard of behavior. At the end of each day formally evaluate your failures nd successes. Continue until the degree of success sought has been achieved.

Success-picture. Create in your mind a picture of what the success you seek looks like. Conjure-up this success-picture with great detail. Consider in a variety of situations what it would look like (to you and others), what it would sound like, what it would feel like. Then, several times a day, close your eyes and think about your “success-picture” in detail. Continue until the degree of success sought has been achieved.

Wisdom Scientific success library
We have created a library of self-improvement audio programs. Each one uses he power of your will and the power of your mind to give you the success you seek.
Check them all out at WisdomScientific.com.

Be your best. Live a healthy and happy life,

Abe

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The truth about “acceptance”!

January 14th, 2008 by Abe Kass

One of our esteemed readers asks:

“Abe,
Thank you so much for your help with my shortcoming. I read your email today about “acceptance.” My wife and I have been separated for 4 months because of both our anger issues. Tonight she is away seeing an “X” and his family for Christmas. I guess my question is this. Is acceptance stronger than ignorance?”

Bob

(some minor changes to this letter have been made for clarity and privacy)

What I understand:

It seems Bob is saying his wife is “ignorant.” He is asking if his “acceptance” should include not challenging her “ignorance”, referring to her spending time with a former boyfriend (an X). He also reveals that he and his wife have been separated for four months because of “anger issues.”

My reply:

Dear Bob,

From the little I know of your situation my thinking goes like this:
Within a marriage, it is advisable to “accept” the small things. As the saying goes, “don’t sweat the small stuff.” However, larger issues must be dealt with tactfully, sensitively, and kindly. If your wife seeks to reconcile with you, certainly being involved with an “X” would be counterproductive. However, if she considers her relationship with you “over,” then dating another person (in this case “an X”) would be reasonable.

You give an important clue as to why you two broke-up. You say you have been separated because of “anger issues”?and I am certain you are on spot with that one. Anger is the number one cause of relationship failure. And
the number one reason for anger is blaming someone else for its expression.

Likely, if you and your wife were to promise not to get angry, and you both succeeded, you could put your relationship back together. Learn to talk calmly about your “big” problems, but “don’t sweat the small stuff” - surefire ingredients for relationship success.

I work with clients of all ages. I have one client that is eight-years-old and having behavior problems at school. I gave him my Anger Control audio program as a simple gesture, not thinking he could do much with it because
of his young age. Surprise! His parents told me both his teachers are reporting he is staying calm and avoiding anger. In discussion, to my amazement . . . and satisfaction . . . he understood the CD almost perfectly.

If an eight-year-old can learn to control himself, so can anyone else with an anger problem. Does this apply to you? If so give it a try . . . it may be a real lifesaver.
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