Do you know what it means to listen?

Good communication is essential for an emotionally intimate relationship. It is the bridge used to share ideas and feelings. But it is much more than that. It is a means to make the person you are talking with feel good. This is precisely why good communication is essential for marital success, as well as success in all other close relationships.

Successful communication is built around one vital skill—LISTENING.

I know what you are thinking. What’s the big deal . . . everybody knows how to listen! True. But listening is more than just hearing. Listening means giving the speaker an emotional massage—and most people don’t know how to do this.

Evaluate your listening skills:

1. When you listen, do you maintain eye contact? (yes) or (no)
2. Do you avoid interrupting the speaker? (yes) or (no)
3. Do you ignore distractions (others trying to mix-in)? (yes) or (no)
4. Hold back from completing the speaker’s sentences? (yes) or (no)
5. Give undivided attention to the speaker (you don’t look at your watch, flip through papers, etc). (yes) or (no)
6. Hold back your opinion unless asked for. (yes) or (no)
7. Summarize for the speaker what you heard said as proof you were listening. (yes) or (no)
8. Ask questions to get more information about what the speaker is discussing. (yes) or (no)
9. Try to identify and acknowledge the speaker’s feelings. (yes) or (no)
10. Listen patiently. (yes) or (no)

If you do all this you are a great listener (you answered “yes” to most of the questions). If you are married, likely you are loved. With all other people you are popular. Everyone likes an “emotional massage”—and good listening is the way to do it. If you got a low score, with a little effort, when you know what to do, you can become an expert listener. It is one of the easiest relationship dynamics to fix.

I have made a terrific little audio program to help you become an expert listener. Learn in only eight minutes a day the best way to create emotional closeness between you and others. Relationship Listening — attract the people you like and bring them close to you

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