What’s the most powerful human character trait?

November 27th, 2007 by Abe Kass

I have been intimately involved in the lives of many people for about twenty-years. I have tried to help others with:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Out-of-control anger
• Relationship breakdown
• Self-destructive behavior
• and low self-esteem

It is obvious to me why must people suffer. I am including myself. When I am not happy, I know what I am doing to myself that is making me feel the way I do.

Many people find the means to turn around their misery and replace it with peace and happiness. But some don’t. Here’s why . . .

FREE WILL is the most powerful human character trait. I have learned to humble myself to this fact of life. If an individual is set on walking off a cliff—he or she can’t be stopped. Not by a family therapist, not by a police officer, not by a good samaritan, not by a loving family member. NOTHING CAN OVERPOWER FREE WILL. This is life. Accept it.

For me this is often a difficult “pill” to swallow—but I must. Otherwise I would be dragged down by the folly of others. We all must learn when to let go, and then do so.

“Walking off a cliff” could be:

• Substance abuse
• Infidelity
• Destructive sexual behaviors
• Raging at others
• Dishonesty
• Violent behavior
• Excessive self-love that blinds to the feelings of others
• and more

Even though I am a paid professional that has dedicated my life to assisting others upgrade theirs, we are all the same. Each of us has a responsibility to help those we know live a more happy and healthy life.

Make the effort. Let’s contribute to another’s wellbeing. If he or she is helped, celebrate. If not, so be it. You tried and did your best. Regardless of the outcome, you are a better person for your efforts. And this is important to remember!

Some people don’t feel capable of guiding others. Actually we all have what it takes to be a leader and give “good” to others. If you don’t feel your own strength, I have a lesson to help you: Strong Self-esteem — like yourself now and forever. Live with your personal-power.
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Regards to you and your family,
Abe

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What’s predictable about life?

November 20th, 2007 by Abe Kass

I don’t know about you, but more than several times my head has spun. I thought something was going one way, and then it went the other way. And often within a few seconds.

Examples:

• Health to illness
• Illness to health
• Wealth to poverty
• Poverty to wealth
• Strength to weakness
• Weakness to strength
• Hope to fear
• Fear to hope

Be a winner. Recognize how life is, and fittingly adjust your expectations. Doing so allows you to minimize, eliminate, or even benefit from the very thing not wanted.

Margaret had strong signs she had cancer. She was a nervous wreck for three months taking test after test, until finally the doctor proclaimed her healthy. Margaret ruined three months of her life worrying needlessly.

Sheila and Mark had been fighting for years. Avoiding each other they fell into some serous vice. Sheila realized that her only hope for love was with her husband Mark. They went for marriage counseling and renewed their marriage, reclaiming the passion they once had.

Tom lost his job. He and his wife fought about money. Eventually they divorced. One month later Tom got a new and better job. Had he and his wife pulled together they could have used the time to strengthen their relationship. Instead they destroyed their family of four.

Collins was a mega businessman and mega billionaire. He had everything he wanted. One winter he slipped on a piece of ice. He broke his leg. Two years later he was still in a wheelchair. He became severely depressed.

Phyllis was in a serous car accident. She walked with a limp. She married another patient she met at a physiotherapy clinic. She has never been so happy in all her life.

Can you pick out the winners in the above stories?

We cannot choose what happens to us. But we do have the power to choose our response. Certainly, when in the midst of a crisis, realizing this is difficult, and no one can judge us other than ourselves. But the fact is, many have benefited by a crisis.

I pray all goes well for you . . . always. But if it is not to be, do your best to respond with intelligence, dignity, and a mind seeking a silver-lining.
One thing is predictable about “life,” it has ups-and-downs. Winners accept this reality.

Need a boost to your “life adjustments?” Try my easy to use audio program. Thousands have already benefited from it. Boost your immunity to life’s challenges. Optimism — the art of positive thinking.

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Do you know what it means to listen?

November 12th, 2007 by Abe Kass

Good communication is essential for an emotionally intimate relationship. It is the bridge used to share ideas and feelings. But it is much more than that. It is a means to make the person you are talking with feel good. This is precisely why good communication is essential for marital success, as well as success in all other close relationships.

Successful communication is built around one vital skill—LISTENING.

I know what you are thinking. What’s the big deal . . . everybody knows how to listen! True. But listening is more than just hearing. Listening means giving the speaker an emotional massage—and most people don’t know how to do this.

Evaluate your listening skills:

1. When you listen, do you maintain eye contact? (yes) or (no)
2. Do you avoid interrupting the speaker? (yes) or (no)
3. Do you ignore distractions (others trying to mix-in)? (yes) or (no)
4. Hold back from completing the speaker’s sentences? (yes) or (no)
5. Give undivided attention to the speaker (you don’t look at your watch, flip through papers, etc). (yes) or (no)
6. Hold back your opinion unless asked for. (yes) or (no)
7. Summarize for the speaker what you heard said as proof you were listening. (yes) or (no)
8. Ask questions to get more information about what the speaker is discussing. (yes) or (no)
9. Try to identify and acknowledge the speaker’s feelings. (yes) or (no)
10. Listen patiently. (yes) or (no)

If you do all this you are a great listener (you answered “yes” to most of the questions). If you are married, likely you are loved. With all other people you are popular. Everyone likes an “emotional massage”—and good listening is the way to do it. If you got a low score, with a little effort, when you know what to do, you can become an expert listener. It is one of the easiest relationship dynamics to fix.

I have made a terrific little audio program to help you become an expert listener. Learn in only eight minutes a day the best way to create emotional closeness between you and others. Relationship Listening — attract the people you like and bring them close to you

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