What great lesson can we learn from the humble housefly?

October 29th, 2007 by Abe Kass

Sadness is an everyday emotion. Disappointment, rejection, and loss often leads to feeling down. Loneliness is another major contributor to sadness. The common denominator to all these “causes” is the loss of future. A depressed person cannot conceptualize his or her future and so he or she feels despondent.

Charlie’s wife forced on him a divorce. She took their little boy with her. Charlie was devastated. He sunk into a deep depression. He could not imagine how he could father his son or where love would come from. Charlie had good reason to feel hopeless. He had lost his “future.”

Depression is a state of mind. But if we use our mind to think like a “housefly” we can fight back and defeat depression.

“Behavioral patterns” of a fly:

1. It lives in the moment.

2. It stays busy.

3. It is humble.

4. It is content with very little.

5. It changes directions quickly.

When you find yourself sad, try imagining for a few hours you are a housefly. Adapt these five “behavioral patterns.” I guarantee you will feel better.

Charlie focused his mind. When he had visitation with his son, he was supper dad. When he was alone, he dated. With his extra time he built his career. Eventually he married and started a new family. Living like a “housefly” gave him the resources to defeat his depression and live life with passion.

Sadness is part of life. So too is defeating it. You were born to be happy and live your life to the fullest. You can only succeed at this when know how to overcome adversity.

When I have felt sad, I have focused on becoming a “housefly.” Seeing my future as existing in each moment raises my spirit. Maybe it will work for you. Or imagine you are something else: A lion, a racing car, or Marry Poppins, or whatever.

When you are feeling better, look into a telescope as far into the future as your heart desires. Plan your future. Its fun!

Regards, wishing you the best.
Abe
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Guess who’s coming for dinner?

October 22nd, 2007 by Abe Kass

Often we encounter the unexpected. We are headed in one way,
and in the next moment we find ourselves headed in another.
One of my teenage son was in a hurry and leaped down some
stairs only to knock himself in the head. Fortunately, after
spending a few hours in the emergency room, the doctor
pronounced that he was OK. But literally, he was “headed” in
one directed, and in a flash heading somewhere else (to the
hospital). All of us—and I mean all of us—get knocked in the
head from time to time. It can’t be avoided. We think we are
headed in one direction . . . suddenly we are headed in
another. We never really know who is coming for dinner!

Now, when this happens, what’s next? Some people resist.
They turn up the heat on themselves creating anxiety and
despair. But there is a better way. GO WITH THE FLOW. Here’s
how.

1. Acknowledge. Acknowledge something significant has
changed (health, finances, family, career, etc.).
2. Change. Recognize your need to respond intelligently to
the challenge. You must adapt.
3. What to do. Consider your options. This may include
consulting others.
4. Plan of action. Pick on option and design an action plan
(how to realistically carry out the selected option).
5. Take action. Implement your “action plan.”
6. Reassess. Occasionally reassess, and if your plan is not
working, modify it (or try another one).

Kind regards,
Abe

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Living with difficult people!!!

October 15th, 2007 by Abe Kass

Life is full of challenges. Few of them can be as overwhelmingas living with a “difficult person.”

There are six categories of difficult people:

1. Stubborn: Even when they are wrong–and they know it–they are still right. He or she will resist reason to the bitter end. With a stubborn person talking or pleading is useless. At times,living with such a person can feel like mental torture.

2. Traffic-cop: Everything you do evokes a comment and a directive. It feels like their finger is continuously between your
eyes. The “traffic cop’s” reasons he or she is only helping. Livingwith such a person can feel like being smothered by wet blanket.

3. Always-right: They need to continually assert that they knowbetter than you. “My way or the highway,” is there mantra. Evenif it is a trivial as the weather. You think it is cold, but the“always-right” argues it is hot. Around such a person it feels like you always need to defend yourself and it is exhausting.

4. Love-of-self: Such a person always demands the he or she isthe center of attention. Even if you have a problem, within a few moments it becomes the “Love-of-self’s” problem. It’s easy to feel invisible around such people.

5. Angry: Hot anger (explosive outbursts), or cold anger (sarcasms), and everything in between, living with such individuals can be a nightmare. They evoke in others fear, resentment, and despair.

6. Obsessed. When such a person becomes upset they can’t let go.
Being around such a person is boring, annoying, and often a
waste-of-time.

7. Melodramatic. Whatever happens to the “melodramatic,” he or she always turns it into a drama. An insult becomes a major crisis, the flue life threatening! Being around the “melodramatic” is like being in an action packed movie that never ends. If feels like you can never catch your breath.

What to do: Be assertive and make sure you have enough breathing room. The worst thing you can do is become absorbed in their “craziness.” Clear emotional boundaries are important and make sure your life is balanced. Compensate for the others deficiencies by taking good care of yourself. And most important, know who you are—if you are reasonable and fair—don’t believe anything else.

Kind regards,
Abe

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